The War Within by Yolanda Wallace

Author:Yolanda Wallace [Wallace, Yolanda]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781626391178
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books
Published: 2014-06-11T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eight

Jordan couldn’t move. She and Grandma Meredith had been parked in front of a modest ranch house on Jekyll Island’s North Beachview Drive for a good thirty minutes, but neither had bothered to get out of the car. The neighbors probably thought they were crazy. Not the first impression she had hoped to make, but she didn’t give a shit. Everything she had ever assumed about Grandma Meredith and Papa George—everything she thought she had known about love—had been proven false. She needed a minute to wrap her head around those realizations, the summer neighbors’ first impressions be damned.

“You chose Papa George because it was easier to be with him than to be with a woman?”

“I chose him because I loved him and wanted a family.”

“You chose him because you were too scared to be yourself.”

“Perhaps.”

Jordan gripped her cell phone like a kid squeezing a security blanket. She needed reassurance, but she didn’t know how to find it or where to look. Who was she supposed to call when the person who always talked her down from the ledge was the one responsible for putting her there this time?

“Papa George might have been your second choice, but he made you happy. Didn’t he?”

Grandma Meredith gripped her hand. “I was happy with him, yes, but something was missing.”

Jordan knew exactly how she felt. She hadn’t felt whole until she came to terms with her feelings for other girls. She and Grandma Meredith were tight. How could she not have known Grandma Meredith had gone through similar struggles?

“Papa George knew how Natalie felt about you, but did he know how you felt about her?”

“He mentioned it once or twice in Vietnam, trying, I suppose, to see where he stood or to force me to be honest with myself. I either denied it or changed the subject because I wasn’t ready to admit Natalie’s feelings for me were mutual. Once George and I returned Stateside, my love for her wasn’t something we talked about. It was the proverbial elephant in the room meant to be discussed only in hushed tones or raised voices. We didn’t do either. I made my choice, George supported my decision, and we made a life together. I lived the life I chose to live. The one I had always imagined.”

“But not the one you wanted. That’s why you were so supportive when I came out to you. Because you didn’t want me to make the same mistake you did.”

A flash of anger sparked in Grandma Meredith’s eyes. “Marrying George wasn’t a mistake. Having a family wasn’t a mistake. The only mistake I made was not being honest with myself or the people I loved.”

Jordan’s head spun the way it always did when she tried to cram in too much information all at once. “I assume Mom doesn’t know.”

Grandma Meredith shrugged helplessly. “I’ve always wanted to tell her, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want her to feel like having her—having a family—was something I felt obligated to do instead of something I truly wanted.

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